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Last night I ended up at the Christmas party for the one of the world’s biggest computer companies. For the sake of discretion, let’s call them GrApple.

For those who have yet to experience the phenomenon of the GrApple Store, this is a company that hires geeks of the highest calibre and trains them to present themselves as friendly, yet not pushy – happy to help, yet unobtrusive.

The stores themselves stand out on your average high street, with gleaming interiors where you can check your emails, play computer games, and walk away without buying a thing. I would love to become the writer in residence or my local branch, but I fear I’m just not glossy enough.

But regardless of their sleek, shiny image, their party was anything but. In fact, the staff had to pay for it themselves as GrApple, under the guise a ultra-political correctness, don’t recognise Christmas, instead celebrating the generic, non-offensive ‘holidays’.

Bottles of lager and watered-down cocktails were two-for-one, while the music was provided GrApple employees with a penchant for dj-ing, leaving a few spouses feeling somewhat neglected…

At times I felt like I was living out a scene from the Big Bang Theory, with a few heavy metal fans thrown in for added flavour.

I wonder how Google are celebrating Christmas, sorry, the holidays, this year…